During this Odyssey called Life, I have done my fair share of reading & researching, with no shortage of pondering. Some have actually called me an 'information junkie' which I take as a compliment. I decided to open-up & share some of what I have learned about myself.
All along it has been a "Journey", although more recently, since coming into maturity during my 30's, it has predominantly become a Journey of Self-Study. In the past I was experiencing many things, yet in the present I am beginning to Experience the Experiencer. To Perceive the Perceiver, if you will. I have begun to observe my conditioning & my constructed Self, to find the difference of who I think I am, and who 'I Am' in the larger more complete sense.
On many levels, I consider myself a Noble Creature. I am a clever, chatty, mischevious, territorial, singing, dancing, passionate, creative, talking monkey. A proud angelic little beast. A primate... with an upgrade. A bipedal thinker who is daring to delve into the deeper nature of her Own Nature. Turning myself inside out to find the Organic Truths of unrestrained Human Being-ness. Of Consciousness. Of Awareness.
This 'Seeking' came about due to my own long-term tormented suffering. I was trapped in a self-perpetuated delusion. I was confused & lost. I was not claiming my birthright of Divine Origin. I was caught in the facade. A Charlatan-ruled by my Ego. Trapped in the Maya, the smoke & mirrors, of illusion. I was un-aware & un-balanced, swinging from emotional extremes. A ship without a Captain, running on auto-pilot. Determined & eager I made a powerful decision to learn to identify & differentiate my Ego-ic small-self from my Higher Self. To pull aside the veil, & in this way my Truest Self could claim its Throne... but first I had to Surrender. To admit that I 'do not know', and be able to begin with a Beginners Mind. I had to empty out the pre-programmed thoughts, and sit Still & be very Quiet.
~I had to Listen~
As I became Still on the inside, it began to reflect on the outside.
I stopped clinging to things. I dropped much of the fear, like so much unwanted weight, that caused co-dependency & attachment. I LET GO! I stopped trying to control & learned to enjoy going with the flow. As Acceptance entered the picture I noticed how little I resisted suffering, & through this non-resistant attitude, my suffering decreased. I no longer magnified my pain & it became more like a passing shower than a full-fledged hurricane complete with soul-crushing hail. I stopped trying to grab the bull by the horns and became a Graceful Toreador moving about ease-fully in life's Sacred Dance.
With ongoing practice of Mindful Living most of my great walls have come down. I no longer feel alienated, excluded, or separated from other people, cultures, species, or the whole of the universe. I am beginning to embrace all I encounter. I have heard it said that "The Fire of an Awakened Being rejects nothing, consumes & makes use of everything, & so it burns with an Exquisite Brightness"-- that essentially helps to shine White-Light to guide the Soul Home.
I don't mind giving up the 'small things' in order to accomplish the Big Thing. I tackled my addictions one by one, mercilessly slaying the dragons that would hinder my growth & threaten to keep me in a darkened dungeon for eons. I no longer seek out or crave that which is self-defeating. I do not want what I have not got, & what I got is all that I want. Enlightenment comes when one is responsible enough & brave enough to first & foremost "Be a Light unto Yourself". In this way the hidden aspects of ourselves are revealed & dealt with in a conscious manner & the World is changed from the inside out, one person at a time.
To fully enter & occupy ones senses & feelings is a courageous act. Trust me, I know how brave one has to be to be sensitive. When we are able to find some-form-of-pleasure in every encounter, that is the true measure of maturity. To Seek & To Find the Inherent Goodness in One & All is what it means to Live Fully Alive & to be Genuinely Thriving.
We Are Here....Now. There is no other time...than the Perfect Present Moment. Weather you are farther into your Journey or just beginning, you are, right now, standing on a precipice. Weather you are new or old, if you Start with your Heart, you will scale your steepest mountains with the ease of an experienced climber.
What is within you is a Knowing. An Ancient Understanding of Truth. It is your Guru, remover of darkness, and your Guide.
You Are Not Alone.....The Force---Is With You! ... and so is SUNFLOWER!
xoXXox Lovin-You-Soulmate-Family
Yours truly, Sunny Sunflower!
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