~ ALCOHOLIC? ~

Well well, I have finally figured out I am INSANE! I was wondering about that. Instead of sticking my head in the oven or taking cyanide I have simply chosen to commit... to AA. Well some of us, I found out are "Allergic" to Alcohol. Perhaps the Indian blood? Apparently it turns us into ego-centric know it all tantrum throwing loudmouths who make incredibly poor decisions. God bless those who can drink normally, but for me, I will keep banging my head into the wall, or crashing my car, or destroying whatever relationships I have that are semi-healthy. I can no longer operate a vehicle until who knows when..... so I am now dependent on my friends. And, my thumb, because I am still a bit headstrong & if I really need to get somewhere I will hitch a ride. This is not an invitation for some sick perv to lock me in his basement, I will carry pepper spray....

At least I am no longer ashamed to be considered an "Alcoholic"... because now... I can actually recover. There are many many things that we use alcohol to cover-up or accentuate. I am just learning these myriad reasons, but I wont hesitate to share. I'm not going to 'preach', or try to change anyone. I'm all about me right now. Who says it's not a good idea to be Selfish sometimes?

I have had a drinking problem on & off for 21 years. I quit using narcotics & cigarettes in the past, & I'm expecting this to be one more accomplishment I am sincerely proud of. Total Surrender is the only way. Knowing there are Many others who have come before me & are holding me up. The ones who's success's & failures paved the way. I'm also going to carry the torch....I'm going to die, but I'm not going to let some dumb addiction or some pity suicide trip be what takes my life.

~Sometimes WE GOTTA QUIT TO WIN~, and Saying no to abusing something that turns my life into hell, & being there for others when they are ready to say goodbye to hell....well it's one more good deed closer to getting the ever so desired wings I keep talking about.
I'm in it to win it. I'm gonna keep on surviving, more than surviving, I'll be THRIVING.

LOVE Me or Leave Me, you don't have to even LIKE me, but you know what? Aint NO WAY you can't RESPECT me, because I have been to hell & I came back with the Devils Hat! Now I'm putting it on, and sticking my Feather in it! Aint callin it Macaroni...HA! I'm calling it FREEDOM.

We all have High Hopes, but this time I'm not disillusioned and...
I'll be my own hero. I've got a lot of digging in the dirt to do to find all the places I got hurt. I've got to look at why my roots started rusting. And at this point I don't even care about trying to get a guy to fall in love with me. Yes it is probably what I want most in life, to have that "Healthy Relationship" my mother & father didn't get to have.. But fuck it, seriously, I'll just have a mad, passionate Love Affair with music & dance!

I don't see any of the loser guys I was interested in when I was a wasted fool getting off their ego-ic high horses & asking for help or getting their dirty asses clean & sober.... For themselves, for their offspring, or for Love. They don't give a shit. They don't care about themselves, let alone me.... I care about me. I... got my back. I.... am no longer going to seek the Love of an Elusive Man... or chase a figment... I'm only going to give myself completely Heart & Soul to Recovery & to Creativity.

I'd much rather dance than have to serve the beast, chained & tethered to that un-scratchable itch, that constant craving be it drugs or alcohol, or tobacco, or even sex or food or drama. Me, I'm going to serve the Good, I'm going to Get High Naturally. I'm going to dance until I Spontaneously Combust. I don't have time... like the Monkees-- to put anybody down!

So... to put it bluntly, Fuck off Alcohol-abuse, Fuck off Addictions in general & Fuck off Depression! Fuck off people who try to bring me down, I've beaten bigger foes than you! Have a seat while I.....

~White Buffalo Calf Woman~

~Happy 4/20~~Thanks White Buffalo Calf Woman~ **A Female Saviour**

White Buffalo Calf Woman-- a Sacred or "Wakan" Wombman of Supernatural Origin, is treated as a Prophet or a Messiah and is Central to the Lakota religion. Oral traditions relate that she brought the extended Lakota nation of the Teton Sioux their "Seven Sacred Rituals" and the Peace Pipe.

When Roman Catholic missionaries first came among the Lakota, their stories of the Virgin Mary and Jesus became associated with the legend of White Buffalo Calf Woman.

The traditional story is that, long ago, While two warriors were out hunting buffalo, a white buffalo calf appeared. As she approached them she changed into a beautiful young woman.

One of the young warriors offended her with his lustful thoughts, and White Buffalo Calf Woman asked him to approach. As he stepped forward, a black cloud descended over him and when it dissipated all that was left of him was his bones. His lustful thoughts controlled him he was unable to grasp the Message & the Gift, she was sent to bring.

The other warrior fell to his knees and began to Pray. The White Buffalo Calf Woman told him to return to his people, telling them she would appear to them in four days, bringing with her a sacred bundle.

And this she did, appearing to them as a white buffalo calf descending on a cloud. Stepping down, she rolled over on the ground, changing from White to Black, then Yellow, then Red.

When White Buffalo Calf Woman arose she was once again the beautiful woman, cradling the sacred bundle in her arms.

Spending four days with the people, White Buffalo Calf Woman taught them sacred songs, dances, and ceremonies as well as the traditional ways.

White Buffalo Calf Woman instructed them to be Responsible Caretakers of the Land and to be Always Mindful that the Children are the Future of the People.

On the fourth day White Buffalo Calf Woman left, telling the people she was leaving the sacred bundle of herbs and the pipe, in their care. She promised to one day return for it and to bring Harmony and Spiritual Balance to the world.

White Buffalo Calf Woman prophesied that the birth of a white buffalo calf would be a sign that it was near the time of her return.

“It was told that next time there is chaos and disparity, she would
return again. She said she would return as a White Buffalo Calf.
Some believe she already has.”

~Entheogenic Visions & Spiritual Intelligence~

There's a jungle in my heart. How about yours, is it wild and free? Do you see what I see? Yeah....look a little deeper. This is what I am talking about!

I want you to imagine there existed a drink that when consumed made u hallucinate & see vivid dreamscapes & colorful jungle images that seemed as real as what we normally call reality?

Now imagine that this brew not only made u hallucinate, but it made u hallucinate the same thing as another person who was also drinking this potion in another place in another time, without either person having any idea of what to expect upon consuming.

This purported phenomenon raises the question, is there a realm of the Collective Unconscious, or a Spiritual Realm?

Ayahuasca is a hallucinogenic tea from the Amazon Basin known to induce Strikingly Similar Visions in people independent of their cultural background.

Ayahuasca users commonly claim that this regularity across people's visions is evidence that their visions are not simply a product of the imagination, but rather are representations of spiritual information learned from plant-spirits that one gains access to by drinking the tea. Spiritual Intelligence can be increased or enhanced by "learning" from hallucinogenic plants.

Entheogen means that there exists a god or spirit within the plant, or that the plants reveal the god or spirit within the person that consumes them. These plants, are ment to be consumed with purpose, and are ment to take the seeker on a journey towards Eu Superior. (Superior Self)

"Its ingestion reorganizes our organic, neurochemical, & energetic foundation, adjusting us to spiritual reality & it's multiple meanings". Drinking ayahuasca allows seekers to feel the Forca (the force) of the male plant & see the Luz (the light) of the female plant. When these combine, they create the Divine Memory.

Thru the miracao the drinker is exposed to a host of "archetypes, myths, & legends, that emerge from the collective unconsciousness..." & it is believed that "thru this rough material, the universal Holy Spirit becomes accessible thru living images of miracao, (the divine language)." The "universal Holy Spirit" does not speak thru words, but images, and not just static images, but living images.

The ayahuasca vision therefore seems to act as a stage upon which images come to replace words as the building blocks of divine communication.

Still even tho words are not necessarily used, auditory elements often play a role. What is heard seems to depend on possibly the different ingredients used in the brew. It could also be influenced by other people who have entered that state before you. This is always an important reason for smudging. As in the case of someone wrestling with their own darkness, that it is not left for anyone else to pick up on these vibrations & manifestations.

It is not uncommon for ayahuasqueros (healers that use ayahuasca) to learn an ancient or indigenous language thru song, or icaros, in their visions. These icaros can, when sung, increase or decrease the strength of others visions, call defender spirits, or assist in curing illness, or affecting changes in the weather.

Most of the visualizations are seen with the eyes closed, so as to focus on the world of the vision. Information is felt. A number of images seem to re-occur most often. These being Serpents, felines, and palaces. Ingesting the entheogen seems to turn on a 'jaguar-switch' in the brain.
It is possible to learn to manage & direct the course of ones visions as well. Over time the visualizations of felines, serpents & such can diminish & are then replaced by visions & beings of light.

The use of entheogens is neither a direct or quick road. It is a challenge to gain an improved understanding of the self when the "self" is being altered. It is a dialogue that goes back & forth between two entities, you & the entheogen. There is no thought you can hide from your conscious awareness, an entheogen, such as peyote, when used in a sacred manner will bring thoughts & memories to the forefront to be revealed & exposed, to be better understood & accepted. The seeker must reconcile with them & work out any conflicts.

Before one can learn to do the psychological work of introspection & self examination that it seems entheogens direct one to do, there is something very important that has to be learned; how to let go. In order to learn in altered states of consciousness, one has to let go of the ordinary states of consciousness and accept new ones. This skill is not solely applicable to entheogenic states of consciousness; people pass in & out of different states of consciousness multiple times every day (when we daydream, sleep, play, etc.). Learning to acknowledge & use our many states of consciousness is a kind of "mental self management." When we utilize this mental self management to attain spiritual states of consciousness we are exercizing a form of spiritual intelligence that we can nurture on our own, or include the use of entheogens as an aid.

Another shamanic skill that can be learned in conjunction with entheogenic use is the ability to make music. The ability to play an instrument & sing during a ceremony reflects the degree of spiritual developement. People report enhanced musical abilities, playing instruments better than they know how, dancing better than they thought they could, & singing more beautifully & in greater unison with others. Reports are corroborated by persons not under the influence of entheogens.

According to the doctrine of Santo Daime, humanity in general has been somewhat alienated from the world of nature, and is out balance. By using entheogens sacredly, humanity has a chance for self-rediscovery, and the awakening of the "Memory Divina" (divine memory). Let us make a commitment to do what we can & be willing to make changes in order to elevate the Divine Dimension of the Self.

I am very much for more research of the healing of dangerous addictions thru entheogenic use & experimentation. I believe in the right situation, and with a properly trained guide, we, as a human race can gain more access to ancient information. Information that comes from our Elders, the plants.

There is a pulse, a vibration, a rumbling force within ALL LIFE. I believe with my whole, heart, soul, and mind that proper use of Entheogens is a way to Evolve as a species and heal from our disconnection from the earth. It is a way to truly see...to see ourselves, our souls, and our Interconnectedness with all of the Universe! Respect the plant, it has a soul, respect yourself. and don't use hallucinogens unless you use them sacredly.

One People, One Planet, One Love.... peace out yall, Love Sunny Sunflower xoxox

~ Swan Medicine ~

The Swan is one of the most powerful & ancient of totems.

As you begin to realize your own true beauty,
you unfold the ability to bridge new realms and new powers.
Swan can show you how to access the inner beauty
within yourself and in others.

A Swan totem heralds a time of altered states of awareness
and the development of intuitive abilities.
Swan people have the ability to see the future,
and to accept the healing and transformation
that is beginning in their lives.
Accept your ability and go with the flow.
Stop denying you know who is calling when the phone rings.
Pay attention to your hunches and inner knowledge,
and Swan medicine will work through you.

The Swan's call teaches the mysteries of song and poetry,
for these touch the child and the beauty within.

The Story of Swan

Little Swan was flying through the Dreamtime. Weary of being shunned and feeling different because of her awkward duckling body and unusual ways, she had left behind everything she knew and set out alone to look for the future.

Swan had many dreams. She dreamed of being like everyone else. She dreamed of feeling like she fit in. She dreamed of being beautiful, But Swan knew that her dreams could only come true in the future, and so she flew.

Then, high above Sacred Mountain, Swan saw a big swirling black hole. She was frightened by it but at the same time there was something about it that called her. In spite of her fear, Swan just couldn't take her eyes off it.

Just then Dragonfly flew by. Swan stopped him to ask about the black hole. "That is the doorway to the other planes, little one," Dragonfly said, "that one enters through the imagination. I am the guardian of illusion. If you want to enter there you will have to ask permission -- and, of course, you will have to earn the right to do so."

"Why would anyone want to go into that swirling black hole, Dragonfly?" Swan asked. "And if they did, how would they earn the right to enter?"

"Only those who desire something truly different from what they've known ever enter that darkness," Dragonfly replied. "Very few ever do so unless they have nowhere else to go. And of those who wish to enter, only those who are willing to accept whatever the future holds -- as it is presented, and without trying to change the Great Spirit's plan -- ever earn the right to do so."

Some time later, which could have been days or could have been years, Swan reappeared. But now she was graceful, long-necked & beautiful. Dragonfly was stunned at the change in her appearance. "Swan, what happened to you?"

Swan smiled and said, "Dragonfly, I learned to surrender my body to the power of the Great Spirit, & I was taken to where the future lives. I saw many wonders high on Sacred Mountain, because of my faith & acceptance I have been changed. I've learned to accept the state of grace."

And so it is that as we learn to surrender to grace, our rhythm begins to entrain with the heartbeat of the universe & we discover that we can slip from our physical bodies into the Dreamtime.

Swan medicine teaches us to be at one with all planes of consciousness and to trust in the Great Spirit's protection. Swan medicine people have learned to move in and out of altered states of awareness and to rely as much on "intuition" as they do on their other five senses. Their ability to perceive the future and the subtler planes of existence grows from their surrender to the Great Spirit, and their acceptance of transformation in their lives.

~The Dance & The Dancer~

The dancer, undergoes mystical experiences in the dance, & communicates the same to the audience. In other words, dance becomes the expression of the experience of revelation and complete union with God. It commands devotion, and through and in it one hopes to realize the divine in himself. Through dance the artist aims for a vision of the divine, & when he or she attains the beatific vision, that is Ananda (Bliss).

At this level, he or she forgets himself or herself and realizes the Supreme. "The body, which in ecstasy is conquered and forgotten and which becomes merely a receptacle for the superhuman power of the soul, and the soul which acheives happiness and bliss in the accelerated movements of a body, is freed of its own weight. So, in ecstasy of the dance, man bridges the chasms between this and the other world...

Captivated and enchanced the dancer bursts his earthly chains and trembling, feels himself in tune with all the world:

"Whosoever knoweth the power of the dance dwelleth in God", says Persian poet Rumi.

It is at this elevated stage that the dance becomes a sacrificial rite, a charm, a prayer and a prophetic vision, both for the artist and the appreciator, in relation to their realm of spiritual experience.

The creative activity of the artist gives expression to his Spiritual experience in dance and the appreciator experiences the spiritual experience by evocation.



Dance is also a 'Kenosis', 'samadhi' self-emptying or giving of oneself in love."